So obviously this blog thing has been on the top of my priorities list.
More like, obviously not.
Well, it's refreshing to go back and read all of two things I was thinking about earlier this year. Now, approximately 3 months later I can observe and reflect. Spring semester proved to be one of the most challenging times in my life thus far. Seriously...the whole semester. I'm still not through even half of the challenges that it brought. Still. Which, to some extent is a good thing. I'm aware that it means that I'm 'growing' as a person and that life lessons and things about myself are being learned and brought to the surface. However at the same time I am still a human and my patience and emotions wear thin-- quite often. And emotions... are tiring.
The semester was busy, full of ups and downs, crazy busy times, and even crazier busier times (like you wouldn't believe), times of tears and times of ferocious laughter (sometimes even at the same time). I highly recommend the class "Creative Dramatics" be taken by as many Messiah students as humanly possible. Dr. Ed Cohn did a brilliant job at putting a smile on my face every tuesday and thursday, and has thus far taught me the most about how to teach, and how to do so effectively. Other classes, I wish I could have avoided. To say the least.
I've learned a lot from this semester. I've learned that college is not all about grades. I mean, I knew this beforehand but never before was it so implemented in my mode of thinking. It's about relationships, and it's about discovering who YOU are, and even though that person may not be so stable yet, it's about getting through and recognizing steps of the process that leads to God knows what. I haven't gotten there yet, so how would I know?
And thats another thing... God knows. I don't, but I know that He does. And to be completely honest, that isn't something I've been comfortable with this past semester. Now that summers here and I'm removed from all the craziness thats called "college student", its better... but not really.
I didn't really get to say goodbye to a lot of my friends. Especially those who were graduating. It hasnt really hit that they wont be returning, mainly because I've build this extravagant emotional wall that won't allow me to think about it. Graduation ran late and I had to be in 2 places at once (typical of me) so goodbyes were practically non existant. I think they're hard for everyone. At this point in my life, goodbyes are the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Especially the ones where it's unclear if our paths will ever cross again.
And it's so appropriate that I titled this thing the title that I gave it. Total theme to my semester as a whole as well. Theres been a lot of fog and i've been forced to walk very slowly, not by force, buy my own accord out of my own fear. Too scared to take steps of faith, but instead I'd rather blow away the fog for every single inch of path that I walk instead of just simply stepping.
So as I pop raisinet after rasinet into my mouth and think abot the upcoming summer, I'll keep in mind the past and reflect upon where I've come from and where I (and God) would like me to go. Its a good start. we'll see where it takes me. And maybe next time I won't take 3 months to sort it all out.
