I'm a teacher now. I told my students about you today. I passed around this picture of that time you and Grandma came to visit for my high school graduation. They all said that you look like a very friendly man. I told them about your love of gardening, and that you were a coal miner. They really identified with that as many of their parents are coal miners too. I told them about the peppers in your garden and all the vegetables and how we would pick them and eat them. I told them about how you built the house that you spent so many years of life in; they couldn't believe it. I also told them about how you would always take us to McDonald's, and how we would always come home from your house with a Beanie Baby, even though they were the stupidest things ever. I think you would really like my students. I know that they would adore you. Sometimes I daydream about what it would be like if you walked through the door while I was teaching someday. You'd probably have your picture taken more than you could handle, but I'm sure you would distribute the greatest free hugs they would ever receive in their lifetime.
I remember how you fell in love with Messiah the first time you came out to visit me. You were super impressed with the brickwork along the walkway. You, of all people, would know how that's done. You were genuinely impressed with the place and genuinely happy for me and I knew then and there that I was going to be ok: it had Pappy-approval.
Sometimes, it makes me really sad to think that my whole experience with China happened after you left. I never got to run it by you {although now that I think about it, you probably would have killed me} or share with you how much China means to me. I'm a really different person than who you last remember me as. I recognize now that I had so much to learn from you. I kinda blew that opportunity, I guess. I always did enjoy talking to you, more so I enjoyed listening to you. You just knew everything. Those early mornings at the breakfast table I'd watch you get fired up about politics or the latest happenings in town, and I knew that people should never mess with you. You're tough, Pap. I know we'd be great friends.
You would never admit this, but you're a hero. In fact, if I told you that you were a hero you'd probably tell me to "keep my trap shut" and punch my arm in the kindest and most loving way possible.
I still think about the last conversation we ever had. Granted, you were in a hospital bed, and I was on the other side of the state curled up in a fluffy chair. I think about that conversation every now and then, and you'd probably roll your eyes at me from all the drama that's ensued from that. You were never really one for drama, quite the king of keeping things real; it's a gift that you had. I'm growing into that, too. Maybe it's a genetic that just needs time to reveal itself. I want you to know that I'll never forget the last words that you said to me, and if anyone tries to mess with your granddaughter I'm pretty sure you'll come haunt them from the grave. I wouldn't put it past you. And I would hope that that threat would scare the shit out of whoever they are, because they don't know who they're dealing with.
Every once and awhile I write you a letter, just to let you know what's happening in my life [as if you don't know]. I know you'll never get them, but it makes me feel less crazy than just talking to you.
Just so you know, Grandma is still madly and deeply in love with you. We're taking care of her as best we can, but you seem to be the only thing in this world that truly made her happy. I guess it goes to show what and awesome and respected man you were. You two lovebirds…
I just wanted to remind you that I love you and I always will.
There will never be another man like you in my life.
Always,
your Kayla Marie
Contrary to popular belief, I actually do have a little spare time on my hands while being in China. So I have this love of reading. My Kindle has been one of the greatest investments I ever made for myself for being abroad, and for my life. I'm currently in the process of reading a book entitled "Barefoot Church". I recommend it. I recommend reading Shane Claiborne's "Irresistible Revolutions" first, then read "Barefoot Church". You may not agree with all the points made, but it will certainly give you a lot to chew on.
I could go on and on about reading, but I won't. I just love it. I also have this love of being creative. The cool thing about blogging is that they incorporate both. Reading the writing of others inspires creativity, and admiring others creativity spurs on more creativity and all-around goodness. So I've spent some time recently browsing blogs and the writings of others, those who are my age, those who are in different areas of life, in different areas of the world. I couldn't help but notice a few things.
1: there is such a huge emphasis on possessions, things that people want that are on a "wish list" for the future or things [physical things] their lives will be incomplete without.
2: there is such a huge emphasis on self-empowerment and self-promotion.
3: there is such a huge emphasis on dating, finding true love, and giving anyone and everything a try.
1: I think the reality of how different my life is just hit. In fact, looking at these blogs and looking at these themes makes me nothing but sad. It makes me want to grab people by the shoulders and shake them in the most kind and loving way, awaking them to a greater reality and richness to life. Really? A wish list for the top ten purses you hope to own some day? This is what consumes your mind and your thoughts? I have a friend who is currently working in Palestine, witnessing modern-day Apartheid first hand. I guarantee you that purses are the last thing on her mind.
I understand that people have different values. Even here, on team, it's evident that we each have different priorities and values in our lives, which when working together compliment each other well. There is a richness in living life with people who are willing to give up everything they have for serving others. Yes, we have possessions and things to get by, we certainly do not go without, but people always come first. Our wish lists consist of opportunities to have significant conversations with students
2: In all honesty, I haven't been in a Barnes & Noble in 9 months, but I know that if you do go there it's clear to see that a primary focus of publishing companies is to feed into the narcissism of society and the betterment of self. Again, I think about this and it makes me nothing but sad. Who are you trying to impress? I would so much rather be looked upon with favor by the homeless population than any boss I ever work for. True greatness comes from humbling yourself but that idea and mindset is so against the norm of what we're told to believe it makes no logical sense. Society is telling and people are believing that they are the only ones who can help themselves. I know I would be laughed at if I piped up to say "that's not true", but the reality is that they probably wouldn't even hear me because their heads are too deep in the get-yourself-ready-for-a-boyfriend-without-needing-botox books. Unfortunately so many of them (mostly women) are trying to to prepare themselves for #3.
3: I don't really want to touch this one because I still have so many questions and moments of simply shaking my head, but I feel like I have to, so I'll be as brief as possible. How is that society has twisted our thinking to believe that you're not successful if you're single? How is it that in order to be deemed as worthy of having something to say, you must have a significant other in order for your voice to be heard? Most importantly, where is this pressure coming from? I'm not a hippie [although i do love me a good tie-dye shirt], but I proudly proclaim "let go and live". I simply cannot understand why so many women and men for that matter are simply consumed with finding a partner in order to fulfill their place in the world. The truth is that you still have a place in this world without that significant, so use the place that you have! Sorry, that's my two second rant.
Culture shock is going to be electrifying.
Oh society, I have a bone to pick with you when I come back.
