this path i walk: A Sister

"Annnnnd in the corner, we have the one, the only, Jaguar!" My brothers prepubescent voice chirped as he bounced on the couch. I stood in my corner, prowling low to the ground, allowing the spirit of the Jaguar to enter my body, adapting the ferociousness, I let a wimpy growl escape my teeth. "Annnnnd in the other corner we have Ballerina!"--there stood my sister, who raised both her arms above her head, forming a nice oval shape, and as gracefully as a six year old can twirl on their tippy toes, she spun around, presenting herself to the "crowd". Nick, still bouncing away on the couch at the meer age of four counted us down to the 'fight'. The go was given and it only took two quick steps before we faced off in the middle of the family room. Inches away from each other I tapped her shoulder and she grabbed my wrist. Now--I would like to preface that I've always been a lover, not a fighter, and even though the Power Rangers looked so incredibly cool fighting off those bad guys, when it came to combating my siblings, I didn't have the heart to do it. Within seconds my sister and I broke into our 'fighting ritual' which was simply just kicking each others knees like some awkward 1950's jive. Ah yes, the magic of imagination. For while I can envision myself in that yellow Power Ranger suit using my awesome blade blaster to ward off those creepy things in spandex, physically acting it out in my family room was not the wisest of ideas. Regardless, lots of imaginative times were had by all.

Perhaps I should introduce you to those wonderful beings whom I call my siblings. The boy is Nick. Nicholas William to be exact and he is currently a junior in high school. He is the baby of the family who currently lives at home with the parents. He is incredibly skilled at any sport and finds interests in playing the drums, eating food, and learning about food, eating protein bars, and shopping for food. He is also very skilled at imitating. As kids we would call it being a "copy cat" but as he has aged his skill has developed into some useful entertainment. Nick is an entertaining kid who can be pretty shy at school, but takes his main stage performance at the dinner table every night.

The girl is Erica. Erica Jo, who also goes by 'jo-jo', 'EJ', 'Eeej', or 'Beav' (short for beaver). She is the classic middle child who is currently a sophomore theater major at Liberty University. She is incredibly skilled at anything theater, particularly dancing, singing, acting, procrastinating, and being a social butterfly. She also is the main reason for a lot of the hilarity that ensues in our household. Her hobbies include staying up exceedingly late, texting, being social, doing stuff with friends, being crazy with friends, watching youtube videos with friends, and making youtube videos with her sister.

That's the general gist of us. I'll allow Erica to fill you in on the part that I play, frankly because I may be a bit biased. Plus, Nick doesn't read this.

Is this post about being a sister, or my sister? Perhaps a little of both, because there is no one who has taught me how to be a sister better than my sister. As I envision Erica reading this I can hear this ferocious laughter bubbling out of her belly. It's the deep, throaty laugh that fits like puzzle pieces between the two of us. Once she starts I follow suit and unconsciously mimic her. Together, we get on a role of chortling back and forth, each filling the space that the other needs to breathe. There is no one who can make me laugh quite like my sister. Besides, she is utterly hilarious.

Sometimes I get frusterated because all I can remember are the simple memories of childhood; the simple memories of Erica and I sprawled across the floor with a deck of cards between the two of us. Erica and I would often duel each other in our favorite card game "spit". Of course, myself often winning. There was one time that she was giving me a run for my money. I was in third grade, laying on the shaggy brown carpet. Slowly but surely, my pile was getting bigger and bigger while Erica's was dwindling away (the point of the game is to lose your cards). Before I knew it, I had actually lost, Erica gloating in her victory. In my shock, discontent, and immaturity I threw down the pile of cards in front of her. "Fine!" I grumbled, "I hope your damn happy." It was one of those moments where you had to blink twice to believe what just happened. Both of her hands flew up to her mouth, and Erica's big blue eyes widened. My eyes widened too and my pale face became even paler.

"Im gunna tell mom."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry"

"You just swore."

"No I didn't Erica, I hope you're happy, you won!"

We bickered back and forth, myself desperately trying to take my word back. I couldn't even believe that it had come out of my mouth. Eventually we settled it over another game of spit, by which point the simple slip had been forgotten. I must admit, it was not one of my proudest moments as a sister. Actually it's a moment that is vividly clear to me. I don't even know if Erica remembers (Erica--do you remember?). Sometimes, we sisters take secrets with us to the grave.

What I am finding with these identities and 'roles' is that there is a vast spectrum at which people can find themselves. Think about all the roles you posses in your life. Is there not a spectrum of the level of involvement and dedication you personally can bring to each one? Being a sister is a role that I will continue to have for the remainder of my life. I've heard of several people claiming that they have "non-existent siblings", or 'I have a brother who I haven't talked to in 5 years.' I am very aware that life sometimes has circumstances, but an estranged sibling is something that I never hope to be. Having siblings is this incredible blessing and opportunity in life for literally life-long relationships. In my case, we are each 2 years apart, meaning that I can barely remember life without my brother. As expected, there have certainly been harsh times amongst us Mini-kids, a dark ages of sorts. Between differences in development and academics, three separate eras of puberty, and the touchy personalities that each of us possesses, my parents have put up with a lot.

If people are to title themselves as 'sisters', I believe they must have shared experiences. I feel as though for true sisterhood, these must be experiences of every variety, not just the good ones. Certainly with Erica I have shared a variety of experiences, definitely not all positive experiences. I find it hard to call other people in my life 'sisters' merely because...well, I already have one. One of the things that I truely admire about the relationship between Erica and I is that we have had to go through thick and thin. It is truely in the nastiest and most negative of times that define our relationship as being 'sisters'. There are some experiences that you have with a sibling that you will never have with a friend. For as much as I love my bestest of friends, I wouldn't want to share with them the negative and hard times that my sister and I have had. That's just depressing. I am sure that as friendships grow there will be paralelles between friendship and sisterhood, but I have yet to experience that to the fullest capacity.

What does it mean to be a sister? First and foremost, I'm learning that you have to admit failure. Just as any role, it is impossible to be the perfect sister. Being a sister takes sacrificing. It is easy to dwell on the terrible actions and words that have occurred between siblings. Over the course of time and living with family, these things are bound to happen. However, just because they happen does not make one a bad sister or brother. It is a part of growing up and a part of childhood. To be a sister may mean to be bossy at times, but it also means significant educational moments. It means teaching the ways of high school and beyond, it means being that extra encouragement when they think they can't do something, and it sometimes means informing Nick about how to treat and deal with the crazy females. Being a sister means being a protector. This is not just true for the older sisters out there, middle and youngest children also have an equal responsibility of protection.

One of our family stories is that of my mom. The number of times we have heard this story is countless, yet it is still one that always comes up at the Thanksgiving dinner table. You see, as a child my mom and aunt would go to school together. They too were two years apart. Come fourth grade there came this beastly girl who would continually call my aunt "Peggy Piggy". As a protector, my mom told her to stop. Being a bully, the chick didn't. So instead my mom beat her up and broke her glasses. For any of you who know my mom, you know how atypical this is and actually what a hilarious visual this is. "Blood is thicker than water."

There was a point... more like a phase...in high school where Erica and I didn't get along so well. Young, immature high school drama often caused us to ignore each others existence in the hallways and do nothing but bicker at home. There was however one morning when Erica appeared at my band locker. She was visibly troubled. Shifty and with a crackly voice she explained to me that a fellow student had pinned her against the lockers with a message for me. (I'd love to share with you the bloody details, however this message was full of expletives and since I've already 'cursed' once in this entry, I'll refrain. Don't want you thinkin' I'm a poor role model or anything...) Immediately I responded to proper authorities full of angst and anxiety, not for the threat against me but for the sake of my sister who was caught in the thick of it. This inward loyalty came to full avail as I sat through meetings and interviews the remainder of the day sorting out the dilemma. Afterwards I was left puzzled, left alone to baffle the response of my 'fight or flight' tendency. Did I naturally protect my sister? Well, by gum, I did. In that phase of life did I want to love my sister? Heck no. Was there something inside of me that didn't allow me to give up on her? Heck yes. These are the times that I never wish to experience with my greatest of friends, because although the benefit is nothing but wonderful now, they were excruciatingly painful in the process.

Needless to say, as the months and years have progressed and as we have aged and actually had to live lives apart from each other, the relationship between Erica and I has changed (for the better as we would both admit).

Being in college away from the family, it is easy to forget what role you still play. What does it mean to be a sister when you don't live with the family? What does it feel like to have an older sibling go off to college? That feeling, I will never know. Apparently it was painful for all involved. Sorry guys! Things are going to continually change and I'm honestly and truely looking forward to seeing how my relationship with my siblings is going to be molded over the upcoming years. This is a role to embrace full-throttle, nothing to be held back. And in case you didn't catch on, I massively love my sister, for as different as we are, she completes me. Love you, EJ!

{there was a time when Kayla and Erica were bored. so they made a movie just talking about life and childhood. hope you enjoy this glimpse of our relationship. it is certainly something special. August 2009}