Living Death

College was a time when I had a lot of conversations. College was a time when I had well, a lot of things. As far as conversations are concerned there was one time when I was surprised by a friend of mine who popped in my room just for a brief chat. This chat ended up being two hours long. Now, I had had many an extended conversation with this young {and beautiful} lady before, but for some reason this particular conversation is crystal clear in my memory. Our topic of conversation was death, good-byes, and faith... always something spiritual. I was going through a time of loss and mourning and was in some rut of trying to figure out life or something. For the time that I was going through I was disturbed that I still had found it harder to say "goodbye" than the final "goodbye". It was then that we proceeded to discuss goodbyes as living deaths. This is due to the fact that while you are still saying goodbye to a person, to a relationship, both you and they still have to live. You have to let go, living with the potential of what could be. Where death is involved, it' over, your time is up.

Sorry so morbid. This conversation has been replaying in my mind throughout the past few days as I close the era of college and now am forced to progress onto the real world. So many more conversations have been had about my inability to say goodbye, why it's so hard, etc. and I've come to the conclusion that it's just the way it is. If it's one thing I'm pessimistic about, let it be closure. Being the type of person I am, I wonder about potential, if things were lived up to, and if there was any way possible to make "what was" better. But it's still this crazy balance because I am so in love with the times that were had, trying to keep them fresh and alive is like a full-time job. I guess I'll be taking these next few months to figure all of that out.

I know I'm biased, but I really and truely have the greatest friends in the world. In only three years they have taught me how to live, shared happy life and broken life with me, and most importantly, still continue to love. There's so much more I could say about them but then that might get creepy. I'm sure by the end of the summer you'll be hearing some stories and memories.

Music is powerful and to finish out the year I compiled a mix CD with various suggestions of loved ones, representing things they had gone through throughout this past year, or that represent where they are in life right now. I too contributed to this, the song representing me being "The Call" by Regina Spektor<3. I feel obligated to share the below clip with you because not only is it the song, it's also being sung by the PS22 choir. I don't know if you know anything about PS22, but whatever this guy is doing with these kids--it's workin'.  It's the beauty of music education, people. I don't know if I could have found a better clip to represent :)