Sweatshirt, Pillow, and Dark Chocolate Raisinets...What More Could A Girl Ask For?

So obviously this blog thing has been on the top of my priorities list.
More like, obviously not.

Well, it's refreshing to go back and read all of two things I was thinking about earlier this year. Now, approximately 3 months later I can observe and reflect. Spring semester proved to be one of the most challenging times in my life thus far. Seriously...the whole semester. I'm still not through even half of the challenges that it brought. Still. Which, to some extent is a good thing. I'm aware that it means that I'm 'growing' as a person and that life lessons and things about myself are being learned and brought to the surface. However at the same time I am still a human and my patience and emotions wear thin-- quite often. And emotions... are tiring.

The semester was busy, full of ups and downs, crazy busy times, and even crazier busier times (like you wouldn't believe), times of tears and times of ferocious laughter (sometimes even at the same time). I highly recommend the class "Creative Dramatics" be taken by as many Messiah students as humanly possible. Dr. Ed Cohn did a brilliant job at putting a smile on my face every tuesday and thursday, and has thus far taught me the most about how to teach, and how to do so effectively. Other classes, I wish I could have avoided. To say the least.

I've learned a lot from this semester. I've learned that college is not all about grades. I mean, I knew this beforehand but never before was it so implemented in my mode of thinking. It's about relationships, and it's about discovering who YOU are, and even though that person may not be so stable yet, it's about getting through and recognizing steps of the process that leads to God knows what. I haven't gotten there yet, so how would I know?

And thats another thing... God knows. I don't, but I know that He does. And to be completely honest, that isn't something I've been comfortable with this past semester. Now that summers here and I'm removed from all the craziness thats called "college student", its better... but not really.

I didn't really get to say goodbye to a lot of my friends. Especially those who were graduating. It hasnt really hit that they wont be returning, mainly because I've build this extravagant emotional wall that won't allow me to think about it. Graduation ran late and I had to be in 2 places at once (typical of me) so goodbyes were practically non existant. I think they're hard for everyone. At this point in my life, goodbyes are the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Especially the ones where it's unclear if our paths will ever cross again.

And it's so appropriate that I titled this thing the title that I gave it. Total theme to my semester as a whole as well. Theres been a lot of fog and i've been forced to walk very slowly, not by force, buy my own accord out of my own fear. Too scared to take steps of faith, but instead I'd rather blow away the fog for every single inch of path that I walk instead of just simply stepping.

So as I pop raisinet after rasinet into my mouth and think abot the upcoming summer, I'll keep in mind the past and reflect upon where I've come from and where I (and God) would like me to go. Its a good start. we'll see where it takes me. And maybe next time I won't take 3 months to sort it all out.

Love is not a simple thing

It's been hitting hard at me the past couple of days. It's been floating about my mind while in class, when I probably should be paying attention, especially to the history of the french horn. When you look around, you probably see people. I see them too. But I see more than that. Lots of times I see hurt, and pain masked by smiles and attitudes. And it breaks my heart. Ever cry for a person because you just hurt for them inside?

In our society, we use the phrase 'I love...' an awful lot. I'm aware that there are different kinds of love, but the most difficult and the most rewarding is the agape love. The kind that defies everything else. It's loving people where they're at, not judging or condoning. Being understanding and accepting to the greatest extent that we can. It's about loving regardless. And so many times, there are so many reasons to regard and protect he love that we are capable of giving away. A person may be too annoying, too different from you. Or they may not even like you at all. But so what? They are just as much of a person as I am, and as you are.

It's really hard. To Love as Christ. But it comes in baby steps. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of days when I wake up on the wrong side of the bed, and the day is destined to be miserable. But that would be a choice of mine. I choose this path I walk. My attitude, my trust, and my ability to love are what is going to make it a difficult journey or not.

The start of something new...

Consider this monumental. Like taking the first notes on a fresh sheet of paper, cracking open a journal for the first time, or taking the first spoonful out of a jar of peanut butter. This is a first.

Like a ripple on a sheet of water, like squeezing out paint from the container. You know that white cap is never going to be white again... at least, when I squeeze it. Life is full on monumental moments. We pretty much encounter them everyday. Often times, I think that we see most days as ho-hum with nothing extravagant happening, when really, extravagant things are happening all around us, and nearly every moment. Its about training the eye, and training the heart...something that I'm working on.